How to Make Any Man Happy.

( yes, I know I am supposed to be studying or something but I have to post this)

I have a "friend" who calls me often for the sole purpose of bitching about her ungrateful husband. He doesn't help her enough with anything. Not the kids, the house, what she wants to do. Her house isn't good enough, even though they just bought a new one and its ten times bigger than mine, with new furniture etc. etc.
All he does is gripe when she goes shopping etc. etc. etc...

Ladies, I am going to let you in on a secret.

Men are easy. Really easy creatures that are easy to please. They know it (so no hate mail from the men - you know the truth, you just don't like me sharing it) and it is time you knew it too.

If you want a man who will never stray, put you on pedestal, give you everything you want (within reason , but if not he would bust his ass and break his neck trying)and be the most loving and attentive man on earth, you have to learn what makes a man's world go round.

There is only three things a husband wants from his wife. All men want these three things. And you can give them to him. No matter what size, shape, etc etc you are. Men only want THREE things.

I was lucky enough to learn this at an early age.

As for my friend, she knows the secret but does not use it. Why? I dunno. She is dumb. Because any wife can do it, it doesn't involve sex and it works.

Okay here it is. Old fashioned? Maybe. But it works. So stop being stupid and use it!

Men want:

1. To be needed. Make him feel needed and like you could not go on breathing without his very presence. You have to make him feel like he is the most important thing in the world and nothing as good as him as been made since he entered the world.

2. To be taken care of. I said taken care of not mothered! There is a difference. Fold his shirts the way he likes, don't bitch at him for leaving it on the floor. Cook his favorite meal once in a while. Act like you care if he is happy ( which comes across much better if you actually do care.) If when he does something stupid, don't berate him. Talk to him like you would another adult you have a problem with and then let it go. Support his decisions and let him make his own mistakes ( like when he brings home a go-cart with asking you what you think and you KNOW he is going to break his leg or something ) Smile and tell him if that makes him happy... whatever. Then when he breaks his leg, bite your tongue and bring him a class a water to take his pain pills with.

And this goes for his house and kids too. Really important if your a SAHM. I know how hard it is to be one. I am one. This doesn't mean you can run around in your PJ's and "are much too busy with these kids clean". Don't BS me. This was my excuse for years. Give your kids a rag and squirt bottle of water. They can help. Most actually ENJOY it.

He is not expecting Martha Stewart clean. He just wants to be able to walk through the rooms and not catch a disease or stick to something.

3. Attention. This really wraps up the other two. Get off your ass and clean the house. I am not saying he gets to be a slob and leave his dishes all over the place and expect you to take care of them. Your not a slave or a maid. I mean, mop the floor and do the laundry. Expect him to clean up after himself like any other adult but don't ride his ass about how he never cleans the windows or vacuums the floor if you not doing it either.

Rub his back and tell him how great he is. Give him sex and don't make him beg. He isn't a dog, he's your husband. Get something nice to wear to bed and take care of yourself. No one wants to snuggle up to someone with hairy legs and ugly underwear or flannel pants. Jogging pants are a no no too!

My Granny used to say " If you want to keep a man interested, you have to keep him on his toes."

What that means is, take care of yourself. When you feel good, your automatically more desirable to everyone. Your man is going to pay attention to you if you seem more desirable to others. You don't have to flirt or cheat (this is really a deal breaker on the 3 secrets. They won't work at all if you do this) or really anything but take care of yourself physically and mentally. Other people like happy people.

And do not write me about your husband never pays you any attention, so why should you. He will be paying a LOT more attention if you just try this for a week or two.