Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Remember that huge test I had to study for so I could get in to this exclusive program at school that only had 20 seats.....

Well, I got in!!

BUT ( isn't there always a but) I am having a hard time feeling good about it cause:

a.) gas prices are horrid and just getting worse and I have a feeling I am going to have to drive 160 miles a DAY (to the school and back) 4-5 days a week. AHHGG!

b.) I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something is bound to go wrong cause it always has in the last 10 years since I began this journey toward a college education.

What if this isn't the right time and then my chances for doing this will be gone and I never get picked again and for some reason we go broke trying to afford gas and then the nice crappy banker takes everything back and I suck.

Okay. Deep breath. I need a Sangaria and a nap.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Breaking News!

I MADE THE DEAN"S LIST!! ( like honor roll for grown ups)

that is all...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

My Friend has a German Weiner!

Oh that is sick! Its her dog! Hello! It is part German Shepard and part Dachshund (weiner dog).

I am going to have Yorkie puppies anytime in the next week or so... the build-a-bear underwear and pantyliner worked well... until boogs the wonder dog learned to leap buildings in a single bound and knocked up my girl while I was at school. At least they are both yorkies and I am not going to get any weird breeds... like Borkies (beagle and yorkie?) or Porkies (pugs and yorkies?) or Dorkies! (weiner dog and yorkie?)

I just cant. wait. to play midwife to a dog. Even if it is my dog. Wonder if I can talk Hubs into helping if things go bad... Wonder if I can get the vet (who assures me that assistance is probably not going to be needed by me and I can stop worrying about my dog dying, cause yorkies are tiny when born.), but I her stomach is so freaking big it looks like there is a 6 month old pony in there, to take her til she delievers.( wow who knew I could mess up punction that badly)
Just let her stay awhile. Wonder if they make preganant doggie spa's?
Seriously, the dog is so big that she can no longer just lie down. She kinda just falls on to her side, and she sleeps on her back with her legs all sprawled out to the sides. She prefers Hubs side of the bed and his pillow. Smart doggie.

Schools out... the Teacher let the Monkeys out...

one went east... one went west... one went up the teachers dress!



Now that I got that out of my system...

I am offically out for the summer. Besides those online classes, but I still have 10 days before they start.

While I am free from school work, I am not free from the wreck that is my home. So for the next three days I will be doing a massive clean that involves rubber gloves and chemicals that will rid me off any lingering nose hairs I may have.

I figure it will take me three days to go through every nook and cranny and cabniet and corner and sanatize any kid germs that may be lurking. shudder

I am also positive I am going to find something that will make interesting blog fodder.

I am going in, if I don't return within 3 days please call in Merry Maids to free me from whatever pile of junk I am stuck under. (tell them to bring their carpet cleaner and they can do my floors too!)

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Lingerie.. more work than its worth?

I ordered some lingerie to help celebrate Hubs birthday and our 10 anniversary of wedded bliss. I found a great (read: cheap) site online that has some amazing stuff and great selection at really great prices. So I ordered some.

Now, I am not big on lingerie just cause it always seemed like a waste of money in earlier wedded years, mainly cause it cost money and we didn't have any. Now we have a little. So I bought some. Nothing like keeping it alive like getting slutted (is that a word?) up.

So I pull out the dominatrix looking outfit (black lace up corset, 5 inch stripper heels, fishnet stockings with those things that hold them up and snap to the corset, g-string that could be better suited as fishing line) and hop in the bathroom to get dressed.

First, I notice that I really need to shave as the forest of leg hair takes away the effects of the fishnet. I couldn't take a shower for fear of messing up my sexyfied (is that a word?) hair that I done early in the day and put up in a ponytail to make it mommy like til the kids went to bed. So I am balancing in the tub, trying to shave parts a razor should never ever get close to and take a hunk of perfectly good skin out of my ankle. We all know oozing wounds just add to the sex appeal.

That finished I did some supposed sexy eye make-up with the whole smoky look and red lips. I ended up with one red eye from poking myself with the black eyeliner.

Now that my ankle is bleeding and my eye is watering and red I laced up the back of the corset and then tried to figure out how to get the damn thing on with out all the laces coming out. I doubt that I can lace it back up while wearing it since the laces are behind me. I decide stepping in to it might be easier than pulling it over my head. This is before I realized that my hips are bigger than my head.

Eventually I get wiggled in to it and the laces are mostly straight. I only broke a little bit of a sweat. I commence to getting on the fishnet stockings. Fishnets can make you feel like a sex goddess. Until you snag them with your ragged thumb nail and remind yourself of how badly you need a manicure. So I get them on and untangle my poor thumb nail and then realize that the stocking suspender things (what is the name of these stupid things!) did not come with instructions. I have no idea how to work them or get my stockings attached to them. Finally after breaking an even bigger sweat and my pinky nail I get them open (really how hard would it be to write slide this way with an arrow on these things)

Okay, sexy hair.. check..sexy makeup.. check..dominatrix corset...check... fishnet stockings with blood spot from ankle and snags from thumb nail... check. Now all I need are the shoes.

I LOVE shoes. I have never met a pair I didn't like and I own all the pairs I love. So when I found these strappy black ones with the ankle straps and the amazing 5 inch pointy heel I knew I needed them. I can't possibly rule the bedroom with out a good pair of shoes.

What know one ever tells you is that once you get your foot in a pair of 5 inch heels you HAVE to stand up and prop your foot on something to get the ankle strap, closed. Its just not humanly possible to get it done any other way ( unless you are flexiable and I am NOT). So I get one on and get it strapped without a whole lot of sweat or tears. Then I try to put on the other one.

Have you ever attempted to balance on one leg while wearing 5 inch stilts? I just about feel over and knocked my head on the sink TWICE while trying to get this f-ing shoe on!! I can just imagine my kids or the paramedics finding me with a bleeding head wound sprawled on the bathroom floor with all this garb, minus a shoe, on.

Finally I get all these torture devices on and then realize if I can't balance in them, I sure as hell can't walk in them! So I did this pigeon toed shuffle all the way back to the bedroom, fearing that the paramedics would find me in the kitchen, sprawled on the floor, with a broken back.

At this point the only thing I deserve more than hot lovin' is some Ben&Jerry's straight from the carton.

But I am on a mission, so I shuffle on and make it to the bedroom without falling or breaking anything.

I am thinking that if women are dressing like this for a living and doing 10 costume changes a night they can not possibly getting paid enough!

Friday, May 16, 2008

I have been married 10 years! Already?

I forgot to post on the actual day, but Hubs and me have been married for 10 years since May 9th. Can you believe we have put up with each other that long? I figured he would have traded me in when my waist line went in to hiding with Thing 1 and never returned...

Must be my domestic abilites that keep him coming back for more. Yeah. Thats it.

Just thought I would share.

I'll finish this week or die trying!

Could this week get any longer? I sure as heck hope not!

Thing 2 graduated Kindergarden. She was so cute waving her little colored streamers to the song " over the rainbow" when she came in with her class. My little space cadet however, kept waving her rainbow through the. whole. graduation. My kid inattentive? Nah. She gets that from her mama. Ah well.

Thing 1 started volleyball camp this week. She has the coordination of a frog. She gets that from me to. Poor thing. All she can really do is hop after the ball. Plus if her chicken legs or wrist get any smaller the ball will break them. I don't know where she gets that. Now, I aint a "Big" mama, but I have never been "slight." Must be from her 6 foot daddy that weighs 220 and has muscles in his forearm bigger than my butt cheek. Yeah, that is probably were she gets all them bones.

Speaking of Hubs.... wonder were he is. I am not sure I have seen him this semester. If he was smart he ran off and found him ( or me) a wife that can cook and clean and do other wifey type stuff. Not one stuck to her laptop writing papers about bacteria and stem cells. Ehh. I am just so much fun, we all know he would never be able to replace me.

I am so far behind I think I passed the finish line going the wrong way. Tuesday I am done, even if I don't have all the work done. Sadly, I am looking foward to having nothing more presssing to do all summer than cleaning my ceiling fan blades, which I am scared to turn on for fear of being attacked by the dust on them.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Hello Nervous Break Down!

Its been a while since I seen you. Well, no time for a break down today, maybe I can just pop a Xanxa ( is that how its spelled?) and keep moving....

What a month and I am only 7 days in. Its crazy! Finals is almost here and since we missed so much school due to weather early in the semester all my instructors (except for my wonderful business teacher) is cramming half a semester in a week and half. Fun!

Anyway, Thing 1 had a horrible bike wreak on the gravel driveway at her grandma's. This involoved lots of blood, missing skin, and a slight head wound. She has a helmet and knee and elbow pads. But of course " We survived no seat belts in cars, kids don't need all that crap to ride a bike!" Thanks G-mom! I can see since my kid is bleeding from the head and has no skin left on her leg. These things are a waste of money...
*sigh* She is fine but a total drama queen and the second she gets bored (since I banned her from the bike till all wounds are healed and gone) then she is dying and her leg is going to fall off and maybe her neck is broken and a mom who loved her would take her to the hospital for a full body CT scan. No more Discovery Health for her.

Hub's Birthday is today! Happy Birthday HUBS!!! LOVE YOU!!
I ordered trashy lingerie for him ( for me to wear not him- hahah) but it is not here yet. Guess he is getting me in pearls and 5 inch heels. *shrug* It will have to do... If he is lucky he will get a cake too. I would get him a real gift, but he is spoiled and owns everything he wants that is under 20k.

Well, thats all for now. Hang in there. I swear one day I will return with something mind stimulating to read.