How to Make Any Man Happy.

( yes, I know I am supposed to be studying or something but I have to post this)

I have a "friend" who calls me often for the sole purpose of bitching about her ungrateful husband. He doesn't help her enough with anything. Not the kids, the house, what she wants to do. Her house isn't good enough, even though they just bought a new one and its ten times bigger than mine, with new furniture etc. etc.
All he does is gripe when she goes shopping etc. etc. etc...

Ladies, I am going to let you in on a secret.

Men are easy. Really easy creatures that are easy to please. They know it (so no hate mail from the men - you know the truth, you just don't like me sharing it) and it is time you knew it too.

If you want a man who will never stray, put you on pedestal, give you everything you want (within reason , but if not he would bust his ass and break his neck trying)and be the most loving and attentive man on earth, you have to learn what makes a man's world go round.

There is only three things a husband wants from his wife. All men want these three things. And you can give them to him. No matter what size, shape, etc etc you are. Men only want THREE things.

I was lucky enough to learn this at an early age.

As for my friend, she knows the secret but does not use it. Why? I dunno. She is dumb. Because any wife can do it, it doesn't involve sex and it works.

Okay here it is. Old fashioned? Maybe. But it works. So stop being stupid and use it!

Men want:

1. To be needed. Make him feel needed and like you could not go on breathing without his very presence. You have to make him feel like he is the most important thing in the world and nothing as good as him as been made since he entered the world.

2. To be taken care of. I said taken care of not mothered! There is a difference. Fold his shirts the way he likes, don't bitch at him for leaving it on the floor. Cook his favorite meal once in a while. Act like you care if he is happy ( which comes across much better if you actually do care.) If when he does something stupid, don't berate him. Talk to him like you would another adult you have a problem with and then let it go. Support his decisions and let him make his own mistakes ( like when he brings home a go-cart with asking you what you think and you KNOW he is going to break his leg or something ) Smile and tell him if that makes him happy... whatever. Then when he breaks his leg, bite your tongue and bring him a class a water to take his pain pills with.

And this goes for his house and kids too. Really important if your a SAHM. I know how hard it is to be one. I am one. This doesn't mean you can run around in your PJ's and "are much too busy with these kids clean". Don't BS me. This was my excuse for years. Give your kids a rag and squirt bottle of water. They can help. Most actually ENJOY it.

He is not expecting Martha Stewart clean. He just wants to be able to walk through the rooms and not catch a disease or stick to something.

3. Attention. This really wraps up the other two. Get off your ass and clean the house. I am not saying he gets to be a slob and leave his dishes all over the place and expect you to take care of them. Your not a slave or a maid. I mean, mop the floor and do the laundry. Expect him to clean up after himself like any other adult but don't ride his ass about how he never cleans the windows or vacuums the floor if you not doing it either.

Rub his back and tell him how great he is. Give him sex and don't make him beg. He isn't a dog, he's your husband. Get something nice to wear to bed and take care of yourself. No one wants to snuggle up to someone with hairy legs and ugly underwear or flannel pants. Jogging pants are a no no too!

My Granny used to say " If you want to keep a man interested, you have to keep him on his toes."

What that means is, take care of yourself. When you feel good, your automatically more desirable to everyone. Your man is going to pay attention to you if you seem more desirable to others. You don't have to flirt or cheat (this is really a deal breaker on the 3 secrets. They won't work at all if you do this) or really anything but take care of yourself physically and mentally. Other people like happy people.

And do not write me about your husband never pays you any attention, so why should you. He will be paying a LOT more attention if you just try this for a week or two.

Things are getting spotty...

I think May could be the busiest month me for me out of all the months of the year. Our family literally has 12 birthdays and 4 anniversaries. And they ain't through having kids or getting hitched yet...

Plus its Mothers Day (not that its a huge deal in my house *pout*), Memorial Day, the kids are out of school, science fair, Finals week for me, etc. etc. etc. Now Hubs work is demanding over time for May. Lots of it. So I am single again for the month of May. Both my girls b-days are in May too. Geez you would think we could keep our legs together in August...

Anyway. Postings are going to get spotty for the next few weeks. To my one fan. PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME! I will be back eventually. I will miss you all. I want to be here. Really. I PREFER to be here.

Sigh. I am supposed to take summer classes too. I don't wanna. Wish me luck or lottery winnings or something.

And WE HAVE A WINNER!

After counting and recounting to make sure I got everyone. I made ask my 8 year old to help me with numbering each post (and the post were people got a second entry) and then I had her draw a number!

Crazy Daisy is the Winner!! Hopefully she can find some great clothes for her upcoming Graduation!

Just email me with your address Crazy Daisy and I will get your card to you!

Un-Domesticmama@hotmail.com

Tag! I'm it!

SCATTERGORIES...It's harder than it looks! Erase my answers, enter yours, send it on to 10 people including the one that sent this to you.

Use the first letter of your first name to answer each of the following.
They have to be real places, names, things..nothing made up!

Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.




WHAT IS YOUR Name
Jennifer

4 LETTER WORD
Junk (That is in my trunk)

VEHICLE
Jaguar ( Yeah, baby Yeah!)

TV SHOW
Justice League ( its a cartoon ya know..)

CITY
Joplin, Missouri (that's all I could think of.)

BOY NAME
Jacob -too easy

GIRL NAME
Jessica ( my alter ego)

OCCUPATION
Judo Master ( Sounded more fun that Janitor)

SOMETHING YOU WEAR
Jeans!

FOOD
Juicy Fruit ( gum is too food, ask all the anorexic celebs.)

SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM
Janitor ( except in mine)

REASON FOR BEING LATE
Jogging ( as in I am in late because jogging is something I don't do!)

SOMETHING YOU SHOUT
Just quit calling me you %$%*&(&* ( as told to telemarketer the third time I talked to him yesterday)

I am going to tag someone ... but I am going to dig through the bloggy giveaway post and pick some newbies. So you have to wait.

Is this withdrawl or am I crazy?

I am actually doing quite well without the Dr.Pepper. Okay, so I am weak. I had 12oz today. But that is better than the 2 liters I would have normally consumed. Don't judge me. You couldn't break this early.

We had a nature thing for Girl Scouts, so the girls can earn their nature badge thing. (Yeah, I am real attentive at these things) So I am walking around with a group of 18 girls and their mothers ( who all happen to look like those amazing moms that have their whole life together in a neat little package, and they get to shower every day.) So of course I am feeling like queen of the group with my spilled tea on shirt, headache from hell, and hair all tangled up in knotty/bun thingy on top of my head. I do make a pretty picture.

I am not an outdoors kinda girl. I don't like "critters" of any kind. If they sting and buzz around, I am gone. I don't like spiders, snakes, or even ladybugs. I can handle most butterflies as long as they don't land on me and are pretty. I was in my element. We are all walking around looking for nature things with my head about to explode and I start feeling like things are crawling on me.

These nasty little prickles of withdrawl are climbing up my arms and legs. Its been a long time since I had experienced caffiene withdrawl, but if I am having headaches and prickles the first day, then the next 20 are going to be fabulous!

I felt like I was going nuts. I can't imagine having real withdrawls like from crack or something. I am such a wimp. Or possibly crazy.

Then I realize that I am not a wimp or crazy. There are these weird little bugs falling out of the tree I am standing under CRAWLING ON ME!

Game over. I am out. I went inside and debugged myself and then sit on the nice pretty deck and observed in the saftey nice warm sunshine.

Goodbye Dr.Pepper... You will be missed.

I am in a funk today. I am not really tired, but I have no energy to speak of at all. I have days like these all to frequently. I know, in the back of brain (where the logical sane part hangs out), that my diet and lifestyle is the cause. Way to much junk, stress,etc.

Sooooooo.

It is time to grow up, put on my big girl panties and start taking better care of myself. I am tired of being 40lbs 20lbs overweight.

Its the Dr.Pepper. I am embarrassed to admit that I consume probably close to 2 liters of this a day. Yes, 2 liters. A day. That wasn't a typo.

21 days to break a habit. I am swearing off soda for the next 21 days. I am going to drink tea or coffee to knock back the caffiene headache that is sure to come, but for the next 21 days I am saying NO to soda.

and I am making an appointment to check out Chantix. Yes, I smoke to. I have tried quitting many times, with many different gums and patches. Guess I didn't want it bad enough. Not even a cancer scare could make me stop. This time I am ready and I am all for any drug that will numb my nicotine recepters.

Hopefully, no bodies will need to be disposed of during the next 21 days.

I'm still here.. somewhere

Just dropping a note to let my faithful readers know that I am still here. I usually post constantly once a day or so, but with homework and the big-test-that-makes-or-breaks-my-career in two weeks, I have been studying like crazy!

I am however having a lot of fun visiting everyone's blogs durning the bloggy carnival. Scroll down for my post and a chance to win a Target GC! I can not believe I have had over 200 people post already! That is sooooo coool. Even if most of my visiters are coming for the gift card. Hopefully I can make some new bloggy friends durning this carnival.

Be watching for my linky love post this weekend, I am going to list my favorite new blogs. I have a feeling there is going to be tons of them!

OH, and Hubs has been super busy around the house. I have a beautiful new kitchen and bathroom floor and a super cute new gate for the front of the house. Pictures will come when I get the flowers planted and the rest of the landscaping (that means picking up trash hehehe) around the house.

C'mon on in, My House is Always a Mess...

Ever notice that know seems to visit when the house is clean? I try to keep my company ready, but some weeks, months days it goes a little out of control. That is when someone new visits.

Obviously, it does not matter to Hubs that his friends see the day old dishes in the sink and the shredded paper the dog attacked. Or the pile of dirty clothes my little exhibitishonist (Thing2) dropped all over the house at random. Or the peanut butter sandwich that the dog also attacked when I wasn't looking. Farking dogs...

Long ago I would often make excuses " Oh, we have been sick" " Please excuse the mess, a random tornado fell out of the sky 10 minutes before you got here and we are so lucky to have all four walls and the roof still left. I think it entered and exited through the window and was only 7 foot high... thank goodness it got none of the other neighbors." Or my personal favorite, " A mask man just came and trashed the place, but didn't take anything." ( this is cause we have nothing of real value that the kids or dogs have not distroyed. hehe)

Now, not so much. I have no excuses. I will just tell them " I have two kids, two dogs, Hubs, School, carpooling, Girl Scouts, Grandparents to take care of. I am tired and busy and lazy. You might have to clean off a place to sit, but your unlikey to catch an illness. If your shoe sticks to the floor, let me know and I will windex you loose."

Yesterday I let the house and homework and everything else ( except the have to's like dinner and peeing) go. I needed a break, I was exhausted and pms-ing and I just didn't care. Besides we hardly have anyone vist except my mom and I learned my housekeeping skills from her. She doesn't judge. This morning, Hubs friend shows up. I don't care though, cause I don't like him anyway.

WIN A $25 TARGET GIFT CARD!

I have been looking forward to this! The big Bloggy giveaway is starting. A full week of bloggers giving and winning! My kinda party!

And I am giving away one (1) $25 Target Gift Card!

All you need to do is leave a comment in this post and the winner will be drawn on Saturday at 3:00 p.m. cst, at random, by Moi!

Tell a friend, have them mention it in their post and you are BOTH entered twice!

Want to win more stuff? Head over to the Bloggy Giveaway (click the pink button at the top of this post.) Find some great new blogs, make some great new friends, and win some great prizes!

Don't forget to leave a comment for a chance to win before heading over to check out the other giveaways!

I Hate it when Hubs is Right!

I haven't really talked all that much (or any) about Religion. Its a topic I tend to shy away from since: a) I am a baptist that slides around on the slippery slope of backsliding on a consistant basis. b.)I have yet to find a church I can really connect to. c.) I haven't looked all that hard to find said church.

Now, that is not to say I don't have a relationship with GOD. We both know where I stand and I talk to HIM, and HIM to me, on a regular basis. Well... mostly regular. When I can shut up and listen it tends to go a little smoother.

Hubs, doesn't seem to have near the problems I do. He is pretty stable on his slope and goes to the church that the rest of his family goes to, on a semi-regular basis. Our girls go to Sunday School every week, and attend Youth-night every week. Yes, our church life is a mess...

ANYWAY, on to were Hubs was right and I am irrated.

So like I posted yesterday, I am BURIED under the piles that are my life. Usually I can hold on pretty well, but occasionaly they all attack me at once. This week they formed a union and revolted against me.

Last night I did what every Super-Mom-Who-Can-Do-It-All,-All-The-Time, does when she is feeling overwhelmed. I started whining and feeling sorry for myself looking for immediate soulutions. So as I am whining prioritzing all the things that needed done two days ago, and how we are going to pay for the new lawn mower we have to buy, finishing the house, paying for summer session college classes, Oh' and Thing 1 is going to need glasses, and Thing 2 just out grew her pants, AGAIN! And , crap, I have gotten to fat for my summer clothes, AGAIN..........

Hubs is sitting there looking at me like I am a moron.

I stare back, looking at him like "what are you going to do to fix this and my head?"

Hubs: " Why are you worrying about this stuff?"

Me, thinking, for someone so cute, you sure are dense sometimes,: " Well, what are we going to do, the savings is running dry, and you can't spend all your time working overtime, and I HAVE to take these classes to get in to this inclusive program NOW, or wait another YEAR, by then the kids will be grown and we won't need an extra bedroom, and we are going to be eating out of dumpsters and living in a cardboard box anyway......"

Hubs: " Leave it in GOD'S hands."

Me:" ........."

That's right, I had nothing to say. He is right. I have noticed that as times start getting rough, even if its only in my head, I tend to run from the One that is in control. I have never wanted for anything. Seriously, I have never ever been without the things I need or the things I want. GOD has always provided everything. Before Hubs was making good money and we both were working two jobs with newborn baby at home living in trailer house that was falling down around us, and we didn't know how we were going to pay the electric bill, GOD made sure we had everything we needed and everything we wanted.

The house stayed together, the money was always found before the electric was turned off.

I wanted to share, because I think sometimes I forget that I am not in charge, and I can't control the world. Its not my place, and worrying does not change anything. I read a book once, I think by Max Lucado (but don't qoute me on that)
and I don't actually remember anything about the book, or even the name. All I remember is somewhere in that book, there is a line that says:

" Leave your baggage at the foot of the Cross. "

So, that's what I am doing.

As soon as I find myself, I am sure I will be back...

Currently I am buried under a pile of Homework, Housework, and Kids. As soon as I dig myself out, I'll be back to being a smart ass and talking about my rotten family and neighbors. Promise.

Remodeling, Frugality and My Shrinking Bank Account

How come the only thing that seems to ever get smaller around here is my bank account? The mess, my butt, the suprising amount of junk in my mail box each day. Huge. My checking account, not so much.

I used to never worry about money, and I mean NEVER. Drove Hubs nuts. Now I can't sleep at night and get sick to my stomach just thinking about how we are going to pay for this or that. Its not like we are destiute or anything, I guess I am just afraid we are going to be.

Like the saying goes

" to whom much is given, much is expected" or " Mo Money, Mo Problems." (yeah thats how it goes...)


Everything is just so much more expensive now. Gas, Milk, Shampoo. I don't know about clothing, since its be FOREVER since I have bought any. Since I have been going to school I don't have the time or energy to shop. Plus I am convinced I don't have the money either. We will need that $5 for something else, so I'll wear undies without elastic. Makes it easier to use the bathroom. I don't have to pull them down.

Plus we are in the process of remodeling. The kitchen and dining room flooring is almost in. Hubs has done ALL the work on laying the tile and such and it is PRETTY. Terra Cotta tiles, expensive, and a pain in the arse. But Oh-So-Pretty!

I didn't actually KNOW we were replacing the flooring but Hubs and I went on a date saturday night and landed at Home Depot. Romantic, no. But He's married to a woman that would wonder around Home Depot for freaking HOURS if he would let me. Always best if I leave the check book at home. We were actually supposed to be pricing building supplies for the new bedroom we are adding on to our house.

I ended up drooling over tile. He ended laying tile all yesterday. With any home improvements my house is now in such a disarray, I am fear I can't even find my good underwear. The ones with the elastic still attached to one side.

Its Menu Plan Monday!

Monday: Sweet and Sour Chicken Stir Fry ( typing it made me hungry)
Tuesday: Pork Chops, Baked potatos w/all the toppings, salad
Wensday: Pot Roast w/veggies
Thursday: Taco's with all the toppings
Friday: Catfish w/ Fries and Slaw
Saturday: Fend for yourself, Mama ain't your slave-day
Sunday: Colton's Steak House - out to dinner

TGIF! Now can I go back to bed?

There are certain privileges to having all your children in school. It means they are out of the house most of the day, and some poor unsuspecting soul that works for the public school system has to put up with their nagging and insistent whining all day.

I can sleep! All day. If I choose. Today that is exactly what I would do if I hadn't agreed to watch my a scooter. Scooter is 4, my nephew and being raised half the time, by my mom.

I REALLY wanted to say " Oh. No. Hell NO! Don't dump that brat on me, I don't care if his babysitter has a doctors appointment for a bum knee. Not my problem. I didn't squeeze this one out. Can't make me." and slam the phone down.

But, I figure since my mom has babysat for me, at the drop of a hat, when ever I need for the last 9 years, I probably should stay on her good side. Probably.

5:30 a.m. comes early to this mama. I mean, its not like I stayed up til 1am watching t.v. or anything. So, when I seen her come through my front door carrying demand child that likes to scream for no apparent reason and make me deaf my little lovable nephew, all I could do was roll out of bed and choke down my whining. I am sure the whistling Hubs was doing before he left for work was not because he felt vindicated for my suffering.I chose to ignore him and had to sit on my hands not to leap after him and beg for him not to leave me here alone all day with these children.

WFMW - Using a Teachers planner for projects.

Sounds simple. But it was an absolute life saver for me as I have ADD.*

I ran across this idea in a book (and as soon as I remember which book I am going to give credit where credit is due- plus it is a fantastic book for anyone who is a student, kids and college age, that needs help with organizing)and it has helped SO many times.

I have a fancy planner from Mom Agendathat I LOVE and use daily, BUT I needed a something just for my college work and projects in school. All of the pre-made assignment books seem to be lacking greatly. I just couldn't seem to keep my life all "together".

The book suggested a teachers curriculum planner. They come with Blocks for different subjects and they are not dated. Just blocks in 2-page per week form. Then you can use each block for a separate assignment and list the days of the week at the top. That way if you have a project due on Friday, it can be broken down through out the week in to easier steps, AND you can also see what needs to be done in all your other classes/areas on the same page. It's also easier if you write the different subjects in their own color of ink.



*I didn't want to admit it, but I have adult ADD. Yes, I had it as a child, but was not officially diagnosed until I went to a counselor because I thought I was losing it, not being able to keep up like other adults and moms could. I had trouble with everything, remembering to pay the bills, remembering to bathe my kids etc. etc. I thought I was just immature and lazy. Things just slipped by me that other moms "got." Anyway, I know some people don't beleve in ADD and its conterversal, but behavior modification worked great for me and whether its real/not real or I am just crazy/lazy or looking for mind altering drugs is not open for discussion. Thankyouverymuch!

Hubs is always helpful, always thinking...

I am piled with homework. I think all my instructors are sadistic people with no life that have no kids and like to make my life miserable. I mean really, how important is it for a Med student to understand the inner workings of the human body? Oh.. it is important... huh.

So last night, as I am trying to finish assignments from one of my zibillion (that's a whole lot more than infinity) classes my brats wonderful well behaved children, are screaming and running circles through the house. Of course, that's only when they are not leaning over my shoulder screaming in to my ear 5 billion questions (that's a tad less than zibillion) that are probably so stupid they don't deserve an awns er. Like, if they could use the computer desk chair as a carnival ride and take it outside. Object of the game is to twirl your sister in said chair until you whirled them right off the porch. First one sporting a head wound loses!

My wonderful lazy Hubs is watching some stupid hunting show in the bedroom. He was smart enough to know when it is time to hide from them and he has learned the fine art of blocking out the screams. I really plan on learning to do this also, as soon as I get time to ask him how its done.

Finally, after I lost it and yelled for Thing 2 to get off Thing 1 and quit trying to steam roll her sister with the barbie car, Hubs decides to offer assistance. From the bedroom I hear this:

Hubs: What is going on in there? You two better behave! Un-domestic mama, Do I need to come in there and run intercourse?

Me: What? (my brain is trying to wrap around that)

Hubs busting out laughing: " I meant INTERFERENCE!"

Gee, wonder what he is thinking about while watching hunting shows.
Guns. Sex. Beer. Hunting. Why no Hubs, your not a redneck... why would I think that?

Pating Myself on the Back.

I, Un-domestic Mama, went one full day with out sugar or anything made with white flour.

Applaud me, for I am the best. Ever!

Now, lets see if I can do that today when I am at school and surrounded by fast food.

Linky Love Long Overdue!

I am spreading Linky Love.

One of my FAVORITE blogs that I read everyday is NoReasonNeeded. She always has the cutest pictures and funny stories. I literally refresh a million times a day waiting for just. one. more. post.

Check her sidebar for recipies and if you get a chance to try a new recipie, you have to try the Cheesy Chicken Broccoli Casserole It is Yummy!

I've Been Memed!

I got Memed by one of my all time favorite blogs Wifey's House. Fantastic blog for anyone married or in a relationship. She wrote a book too! Check it out. I am sure it will become one of your favorite reads too.
She is also getting a new look from TrendyMommyBlogDesigns and yours truly for winning the blog design giveway I hosted a few weeks ago. Be on the look out for that! TrendyMommy designs are the BOMB!

Now on to the Meme:

5 Classes I wish they would have taught in school...

1. Sleeping abuse- How to survive on no sleep and get through the co-sleeping years with as few brusies and bulging disc as possible.

2. Stylish Mama- How to look good on a Goodwill budget.

3. Body Enjoyment before kids- Enjoying your body and sex before the kids (concentration in understanding how your pre-baby body is not fat and that sex that takes longer than 5 minutes without kids is a blessing and should happen daily.)

4. Quicky with kids 101- How to have a quicky when the kids are knocking on the door and why foreplay is not necessary when its been a week.

5. Broke with kids- Making it through the lean years, and why you should save money BEFORE getting the positive pregnancy test.

Curly hair be gone!

I have nothing interesting to post on today. I checked other blogs for interesting stuff, but no one else seems to be posting today either.

I straightened the carrot top hair. I just couldn't stand the curls. Hubs hasn't seen it yet. I am going to have to come up with "creative" bargaining for wasting the money on the perm in the first place, since I only kept it two weeks. It was horrible though. Even if Hubs, being a man, doesn't understand this. Oh well.

I played guine pig with myself. If anyone needs directions on straightening permed hair with an At-Home-Perm-Kit. I know how! It worked quite well, but its not dry yet, so I can't report on the damage.

My motivation has waned today to an all time low. I could seriously clean the house with dishes and laundry done, in under an hour. But I don't wanna. Blah. I need a maid. or a nap. or something.

Big Butts, Clean houses, and Feng Shui

Okay, I will admit I am an addict. I consume entirely to much sugar, soda, and carbs. Of the bad variety. And I am addicted to diets. Fad diets, proven diets, stupid diets. You name it, I have tried it and purchased the products.

I have noticed a reacurring theme in these books. I have also seen the same thing in countless magazine articles.

If you want a diet to be successful, if you want to take control of your weight, you have to clean the house.

Huh.

Is it because a clean house makes you feel so gosh darn good (until the kids destroy it) or is because if your constantly cleaning you cant put anything in your mouth? (Bleach and Cheetos don't mix well together.)

What if your house is only clean while the kids are school. Does that mean your only thin and healthy between the hours of 8am and 3pm. And if you have some super human ability to keep your house clean while the kids are at home, does that mean they are going to be thin too?

I am finding a hard time buying in to this, as I have had both. At any given time my butt may or may not be big and my house may or may not be clean.

Maybe my flucuating house neatness has a direct effect on my flucuating butt size.

How come Hubs butt doesnt get bigger when there is dirty laundry ankle deep on his side of the bed.

And that leads me to Feng shui. How can I possibly clean out the south corner of my house and place a running water fountain that catches the light from the northwest corner, to cast perfect rainbows over the eastern door ways, if I the south corner is my childs closet and I would have to build on a door and a window, then mount a large mirror on the outside of my house to catch the light to cast the perfect rainbows, (deep breath) just to improve my wealth.

Wouldn't investing be easier?

What does Bear underwear, Carefree panty liners, and Yorkie dogs have in common?

Guess? Anyone?


My beautiful dumb new Yorkie dog is in heat. I have had her just about a month and she is already blessing me with her menstrual problems. Hubs thinks its good practice for when Thing 1 & 2 grow up and bless me with these problems. He also thinks it hysterically funny that I am fighting a dog in to a doggie diaper, that she can wiggle out of like hudini no matter how snuggly its on.

" I should just give up and lock her in her crate." Three weeks? In a crate?

AMATURE!

He has no idea the kind of creativity this warped mind can dream up. I now have a Yorkie in a Build-A-Bear pair of undies that came complete with tail hole, and a carefree panty liner. She can't wiggle out of it, and the mess is taken care of with out having to banish her to doggie hell in the crate.

Yes, I am that good. Thank You, Thank You. Please no applause.

My "Holy Grail" acne Cure.

I have had acne since I was 11 years old. I am talking real nasty acne. The kind complete with every color of "head" you can think of. Some are small, some are large, and some mimic a third eye. They all left scars.

Now I have seriously tried EVERY OTC and EVERY prescription since I was 11. I even did a round of Accutane, which is a seriously bad drug for the rest of your body, but worked quite nicely. As long as I was taking it. Eventually, I had to stop for fear of liver damage. Nasty side effects this one has.

Then I tried Mineral Makeup. I was skeptical, even though reviews for fantastic for the Bare Essentals brand. First I bought Sheer Cover from an infomercial. That did nothing for my acne, and didn't look anywhere near natural. Then I tried Raw Minerals. Nothing. Finally, I broke down and spent the $60 for a get started kit from bare Essentals.

Enter the Holy Grail! Looks natural, super easy to apply, and I went from acne that would rival a 14 year old to literally FLAWLESS skin.

I swear! Within a week, I went from at least 20 inflammed pimples and even more blackheads to SMOOTH CLEAR skin.

I don't care how much this cost I will NEVER go back. It worked right through "that time of the month". Not a zit to be found in over a month since I started using it.

Just try it.

(I am not getting any kick-backs or moolah to endorse this stuff. Its just that fantastic. I have never run across a cosmetic that will change your life before.)

Important choices we all have to make- Mommy Rant!

I like to think I am an open minded parent, who knows that her children do have flaws and that not everything can be sunshiny perfect all the time.

Honestly, things are not never sunshiny perfect and my kids can be...well.. brats. Most of the time.

And I like to think that I, best mom in the world, am raising wonderful little human beings that will one day grow up to change the world. Yes, everything is rosey, sunshiny, perfect.

Then some "teacher" (I say that loosley), has the audasicty (didn't know I knew that word did ya!) to tell my my almost six year old child is not as mature as her classmates.

My first thought is " Oh' no she dit in'!" Thus, Ghetto mommy returns.

What is exactly should I do to make her like most of the rest of her peers? So I thought about it and the only maturaity lessons I could come up with, that the other kids have had, that my child has not is:

1. I have yet to be placed in handcuffs in front of my children for doing physical harm to others or on drug charges.
2. I haven't let my children watch movies with anything more than a PG rating. (Not because I am sheilding them, just because I don't want my kid asking me what c*nt means.
3. My child can not tell the difference between Crack and Meth. We don't have those things on the coffee table for them not to touch, and mommy doesn't cook it in the kitchen.
4.Mommy doesn't bring home a new "friend" every night. My kids have "yet" to catch me in the act. I am sure the day will come, but for now I am not going to put on a show on the dining room table for sake of maturity.
5.My child as never been to court, cause mommy needed more money from daddy, or because one of their parents was being sentenced.
6.My children have both their parents, everyday, making sure their homework is being done and that they are clean and fed.

So, with those options I can either get arrested for prostution, or drugs. Stab their daddy. Let them watch a porn movie (and it will be one from the 70's were the women are super hairy and the men are ape like. Like Ron Jeremy.)or I can step out on daddy, smoke pot with them, and have them "keep my secrets."

Oh the Choices! How, do we as parents, survive? The things we must do for our children...

I think my kids can just stay immature.