Menu Plan Monday!

I admitt it. I am a slacker when it comes to cooking. I don't like the prep work or the clean-up. So here is my slacker menu:

Monday: Chicken Parmigiana

Tuesday: Fajitas

Wensday:Beef Teriyaki

Thursday: Stir-Fry Spinach Salad

Friday: Quick and Easy Chicken Noodle Soup

Saturday:


Sunday:

What if its all a lie?

I have spent much money and time working for a degree so I can get a job, find my calling, make oddles of money and be RICH RICH I TELL YOU and enjoy life a little more. We have all made a lot of sacrifices. The house hasn't had a good deep cleaning in a year. I constantly feel like I am swimming upstream with a big barge in front of me. I am pretty sure all this is worth it.

Sorta sure.

And then I see this article from an interview with Meg Wolitzer on a new book she has written about SAHM's

Excerpt:

“The notion that everyone has a calling, that everyone has a talent, that everyone has a passion, isn’t true,” said Ms. Wolitzer, whose graying curly hair and laugh lines betray her age, but whose baggy leather jacket and battered brown leather satchel recall her years as a writing student. “I didn’t understand that.”

See the problem? NOT EVERYONE HAS A CALLING, TALENT or PASSION.

I have been searching my whole life for that one thing, that one passion, that something that I can say I could spend the rest of my life doing and never earn a dime for it, and be remembered for.
And raising children don't count cause they will eventually end up in therapy and move away, so I can't spend the rest of my life raising them. Besides I don't want to be still doing their laundry when they are 40 years old and I don't have a basement to for them to live in.
I am sure that many women do feel like raising their children is their calling. And I support that with every thing I have, but I can't call it mine because it is to scary to think about where I will be when they no longer need me. I don't want to be old and waiting for them to call me so feel needed.

I have changed my major so many times that, had so many different hobbies I have walked away from, and never felt an undying passion for any of them.

And honestly (Hubs, if you read this don't kill me) I am still not 100% positive that the major I have choosen now is what I want.

Problem is that the things I have passion for change everyday, sometimes every hour. I want to be a SAHM-Domestic-Diva-Supermommy. Until I am being one. Then I want nothing more than to get away from the monsters I call children.
When I am in school full time I just want my house clean. I mean clean like House Beautiful clean.

I seem to have a lot of quit in me. When things get hard, I hit the road. When things go bad, see ya! When chaos hits, well, I already walked away. I don't seem capable of the juggling act that other women have. It seems I can only have one ball in the air at a time.

Now, I am jaded enough to belive that I can't have it all at the same time. I still have to ask " Why the hell not?"

So, dear mothers, daughters, college students, wives, etc,etc, How do you do it?

And if you wanna read the article go here : Crazy interview that got in my head

Just like Mommy

So Thing 2 is not having a good day. The mean witch loving mommy is bent on having her pick up her toys. After the drama subsided and the fit throwing was over and the toys picked up, Thing 2 felt the need to elborate on her situation:

Thing 2: I need a nap cause I didn't get good sleep last night.
Me: I think thats a great idea....
Thing 2: Yea, cause look I got bags just like yours.

Maybe I didn't get good sleep either last night.

So Stylish I should Be a Model and Linky Love

Why is it that no one drives by my house until I sneak out to check my mail wearing no bra under my dress shirt, yoga pants, and socks with flip flops? I try not to make a habit of wearing socks with my flip flops.Don't be jealous you can't pull off the hoofed look as well as me. To top it off (pun not intended)I lost all rational thought about a week ago and got a perm. Now I look like carrot top


minus the red before I gel it all up.
(you know you want the Carrot!)

Now since I had oodles of homework nothing better to do I found lots of new (to me) blogs to share with you all. Even though I am sure I will lose the three readers that I have to them...

Not Quite What I had Planned
Serenity How
Mrs. Fussy Pants


Enjoy!

I flash my Goodies, what do you do to pass the time?

I hate funerals. I am sure that most people do, but I hate them not only for the obvious reasons. I have other reasons to hate funerals.

The Hubs aunt died. The funeral is today. and as all funerals go I have a chance to embarrass myself.

I only wear pants to funerals because the last time I wore a skirt, I went to sit down and ended up flashing my whoo haa at all of my Hubs uncles. Luckily it was a Britney before she went off the deep end. I had undies on and had not yet perfected my British accent.
I only had one offer to sell the panties on Ebay. Luckily it came from my favorite of Hubs uncles and he was laughing hysterically when he ask, so I allowed him to keep his gonads.

I am also the one that giggles uncontrollable at inappropriate time. This doesn't usually go over well with others.

I have space issues. I married in to a family that hugs. A lot. For EVERYTHING. There is only a few people I am comfortable hugging. But today hugs are going to be coming at me from every direction. Its like being attacked by a group of Carebears or barneys.

I also have issues with funeral music. Specifically the one song that seems to be played at every funeral in the South. " Go rest high on the Mountain." It gives me the willys first of all. If I hear it in the car I change the channel pronto, because it reminds me of every funeral I have attended since age 9 and makes me feel as if the Grim Reaper is hanging out in the seat waiting for my brakes to fail. I have told Hubs if he allows someone to play this at my funeral I will haunt him and make his life hell.

It looks like rain today. Perfect day to have a funeral. Now I just have to go find super strength waterproof mascara, super strength control tops and something to wear that wont malfunction. If I do end up giggling at the wrong moment, I am going to shout"Bloody Hell"in the best British accent I can muster.

Proof I am the greatest wife on earth!

Thankyouverymuch!

Ever notice how old kinda sneaks up on you when your not looking? One minute I was a hot young thing with nice parts in all the right places, then I woke up with two kids and gravity hanging on everyone of my good bits.

After walking up the huge ass hill, some moron "core of engineer" built a college on top of and stuck the parking lot at the bottom of, I was pretty sure my knee was turning inside out. Or tying to pull away from my leg so it didn't have to go up or down the damn hill. EVER. AGAIN.

Then, I take my arthritic knee home and now my kidney is either getting even for the steady diet of Excedrin and Dr.Pepper (my first love) I consume or my left ovary is in its last dying throws of making my life suck.

The Hubs arrived home long after I had made dinner (ordered pizza) did the dishes (in the sink "soaking") and bathed the kids (let them play in the hose).

He came through the door sick as a dog with a migraine. He promptly ask for a backscratching, took some Advil and passed out across the bed.

See the problem here? He is passed out ACROSS the bed. MY bed. On MY side.

Seeing how he is sick and all I did what every loving wife would do.

I firmly planted my ass on his shoulder and my feet on his back.
And while he is struggling to breath a little, my booty and feet are nice and toasty.

Men and kids... they alright I guess.

Kids are um.. alright.I know these things. I have two of them and any Mama that is the sole provider for their kids knows this too.

I sit near some people in my lovely Biology class that have none. The are still dumb. They do not realize that children can be highly over-rated.
We watched a very interesting movie in Biology today.The very incredibly stupid educational reproductive video.

Now, I realize that it has some educational information about cellular meiosis and the like, but really, anyone over the age of 12 already knows how the baby gets out. Not sure why they felt the need to include a very pregnant woman with a very obvious epidural,joyfully giving birth.It was also made in the 70's and the woman had yet to claim her feminism and take a razor to that forest.

I didn't want to watch my children make their F$#king painful wondrous way in to the world. I believe I threatened anyone that got a mirror or camera close my goodies. I certainly did not want to watch Sasquatch deliver hers. To make matters worse, the b^*ch got a epidural and made it all look as if small cantaloupes regularly flew out of her orifices. Or heck, it was the 70's ,maybe they did.

However, it was fun to watch the 18-21 year old boys turn green. That made it all worth it.

Now, here are some educational things I learned today:

Men cannot even make sperm cells with out the help from other cells, called Nanny cells, to take care of them. Proof that men can not even make their own sperm with out something taking care of them.

Getting the sperm to the egg is not possible without the woman, and not for the obvious reasons smart ass, because the sperm are slow and wont ask for directions! So we females have to go out of our way to produce a special sauce a special enzyme that the sperm can swim through to find the egg. Further proof the human race would die without us.

If we could just figure out a way to make our own sperm, we could be asexual. Then we would also have to find a way to kill our own spiders (eww!) and open jars (and risk my manicure?!)and never get a to see hot, sweaty muscles.

Hubs sure is lucky I married him for his ...um....Brain.

BTW, I now know EXACTLY how sperm is made. I am not so eager to have it near me now...

Kids say the darnest things.

Here is a funny for you my friend emailed to me.

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
'Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save! the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'
At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.'

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

I am always searching for the perfect day planner. I finally found one at Mom Agenda. It has a place for the kids, appointments and dinner time. Plus room for my homework schedule. All for one week all on one page. This woman has to be a member of the smart mommy society for inventing this! Go to Momagenda.com to check them out. ( no I did not get compensated in any way for this post. Unless someone would like to, then I will take it.)

12 Weeks to Summer and I am screwed!

Random thought for the day:

You never know how short your arms are until the last roll of toilet paper has somehow made it behind the toilet.


I am exactly 32lbs heavier this year than I was last year at this time. I know this because I found a notebook that was using to track weight loss. Then I weighed myself. I know now why I never liked the scales.

I have struggled most of my adult life with my weight. I am pretty sure I have tried every diet and "plan" that money can buy.

I would try crack, but its expensive and Hub gets pissy at the thought of having a junky for a wife. I know, he is to picky. Besides, my kids are already embarrassed to be seen with me. Imagine if they had to introduce me to their friends " Hi, This is my mom. Isn't she skinny. Please ignore her tweaker sores and odd twitch that she developed. " (my apologies to any real drug users for how badly I probably messed that up. I have no idea if people get sores from crack or twitch. My knowledge comes from the weird stinky guy hanging out at the store that is obviously on something. Or maybe his mother fed him paint chips. Either way?)

I suffer from insomnia. A lot. And a fat, tired, nearing middle age woman should not be allowed to watch infomercials.

I was just sitting on the couch, eating Doritos, having a pity party about being fat and watching infomercials.

I bought a bowflex. It didn't work. My body didn't turn in to the body that the 50 year old granny in the commercial has. Evidently to acquire such a body I have to use the damn thing. I dust it occasionally.

The second time it happened I bought Micheal Thurmonds 6 week body makeover. By the time it came to me in the mail, 3 weeks later!, the excitement of being skinny wore off. Now there is no doubt in my mind that it works. It wouldn't be a bad program as long as you don't like fat, sugar, caffeine, salt, carbs, dairy, or anything with flavor. Other than that I wouldn't say it was a bad program.

I was actually going to do the program for just 6 weeks and lose 30lbs ( which is realistic because you basically eat chicken and broccoli. But I forgot and had a Dr. Pepper for breakfast.

So I guess I will just be chunky or chubby or whatever cute word I can find today for being fat.

AND THE WINNER IS.....

drumroll please........







The winner of the free blog makeover from Trendy Mommy Designs is......





WIFEY'S HOUSE!



Using my totally scientific method of selection ( I drew a name out of a hat) Wifey was drawn.

Everyone give a big round of applause!

Menu Plan Monday

In an effort to keep dinner time as simple as possible I am participating in this with OrgJunkie.com - great website. If you have time check it out!

Monday-Taco night w/ all the goodies that go on them and Mexican Rice
Tuesday- Chicken Strips/French Fries (homemade)/Mac&Cheese
Wensday- Meatloaf/Mashed Potatos/Corn on the Cob/Homemade Buscuits
Thursday- Cheeseburgers/Fries/GreenBeans
Friday- Lasana w/ Garlic Bread and Salad
Saturday- Leftovers (better known as "fend for yourself-mama aint your slave!)
Sunday- Take out!

Only Two Days Left to Win a Free Blog Makeover!

Just a reminder!
You only have two days left to win a free blog makeover from Trendy Mommy Blog Designs.

Not much competition so far and ANY one can win!

Just scroll down to the party post and enter your name on Mr. Linky!

What Memories are You Leaving Behind?

Like every other parent on earth, I have a lot on my plate. It doesn't matter if your a Stay-At-Homer, a working parent, a parent going back to school, married or single one.

We have a lot on our plate with trying to raise kids in any environment, and we put most of this junk on our already full plate.

It's our world, we just stick the kids in it.

Last summer I made the decision to go back to school and finish my degree. I actually decided to change majors after working as a Laboratory Assistant at a local hospital the year before. The hospital ran in to money problems, and 200 of us expendable (not degree holding) workers got the boot.

I spent the months between January and August having a blast redecorating my house and living off unemployment benefits and Hub.

Then they money ran out. So back to work I went. I ended up at the local store for the summer. Hated every minute of it and decided that I was going back to school.

I did late enrollment at the community college ( the only one within 80 miles from my house, that I drive to 3 times a week) and kept working at the store. My youngest daughter (Thing2) went to Kindergarten and I thought I had it all together.

Then things started falling apart.

I missed field trips and snack days. I spent most days not at school or work, looking for babysitters ( THANK GOD I had my mom) and studying.

My house fell a part, my kids fell a part, and I don't recall seeing Hub. He was smart enough to run from the chaos that had become our life.

I can't remember if my kids wore underwear to school everyday, but I do remember saying " Mommy has to study. Do you want her to flunk out, not be able to get a good job, and have to support her when she's old and daddy has killed himself from working 90 hours a week trying to put you both through college alone!!"

I remember saying that a lot.

I promise I am going somewhere with this, stay with me.

The semester ended, I made the dean's list and I thought I finally get a break!

Then, two weeks before Christmas, I found a lump. A hard pea size lump, that felt like a rock was sitting a the base of my left breast.

I stayed calm, reassuring Hub, my parents, his parents, and the hoards of Sisters-in-law, that it was probably a pimple or something and I didn't have cancer and I wasn't going to die.

They weren't getting off that easy. I plan to be here for the rest of their lives to make them all as miserable as possible.

But in the back of mind, and when no one else was around, I was freaking the fark out!

What if? Hub can't raise two girls alone (he probably could, but damn that's mean of me to make him).

Suddenly, while waiting for ultrasound results, and doctors to get back from Christmas vacation to read them, my priorities changed.

All the plans I had to clean and organize, to get a head start on the next semester's work, all the plans I had, went out out the window.

I just wanted to play with my kids and spend time with Hub and the rest of my family.

A good job, good grades, and a clean house wasn't very important any more.

All the good parenting books say that kids don't remember if the house was clean., they remember their parents spending time with them.

Not true. I remember growing up in a house that wasn't clean or organized. I mean, it wasn't a pigsty, we never got any weird skin rashes or lice or anything. But clean, it wasn't.

I also, remember my mom playing board games and cards with me for hours. I remember her helping me build tents out of blankets and letting me eat ice cream for breakfast when I was sick. I remember her letting me run through the water hose and making play-doh animals with me.

My results came back as the lump being a clogged milk duct. My world righted itself and life went crazily back to normal. I am sitting in the middle of my semester at school at a point that can either make or break my grades for this semester. My house is a mess, and I am waiting for the skin rashes to break out. I am totally behind on everything.

And I spent all day yesterday, coloring Easter eggs with my kids.

What memories are you leaving behind?

Party Details and Custom Blog Design Give Away!

We are so happy with the new design here at Un-Domestic Mama, that we want to spread the happiness around!

We are giving away a custom Blog design from Trendy Mommy Designs (thetrendymommydesigns.blogspot.com)

The Design includes:
Custom Header
Coordinating Background
1 or 2 (your choice) sidebars
up to 4 Category images

To enter the drawing just leave a link to your blog in the Mr. Linky below!

Tell your a friend, have them mention your name in the comments, and we will enter your name twice!

The contest will run March 20-24th. The winner will be contacted and posted here on Tuesday March 25th.

Grab a Martini, spread the word, and don't forget to leave a comment!

Totally Random Stuff- Cause I don't have anything better to do.

Well, actually I could clean house or cook dinner, but then Hub might get confused if he comes home to a clean house or warm meal.

I would like to take this time to thank Hub for (my) his awsome camera. It takes great pics and is fun to play with.

I just seen a preview of my new trendy cool design. You are all going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO jealous. Yes, its that good.

My spring break is almost gone and I have gotten nothing done. Unless, you count cleaning up doggie doo and saving my grandmother from a watery grave, but the important stuff, like cleaning the fridge out and the two (or is it three) test and the rest of the homework that I have to do is not done.

I mean really, how could a college education I all ready have $20K in that important anyway?

I will just have to go to work when I am done with that. I should have really thought this whole "furthering my education so I can contribute to society like a normal person" thing through a little more.

Well, I would have spent the rest of my life as a SAHM, but HELLO!, have you ever done that? These poor women bust the arse all day long (and night) and not one of these (my) brats ever say thank you! Nope, all that is heard is 'I'm hungry, wipe my butt, I didn't mean to stick the cat in the microwave AGAIN, mom.

Makes me want to poke my eye out just for the little vacation I would I get on the ride to the hospital.

Puppy Poopy Scavanger Hunt!

My new puppy has invented a new game.

Its called Puppy Poopy Scavanger Hunt.

All you need to play this game is:

(1) puppy, not yet potty trained
(1) hour of un-restricted access to the entire house for said puppy
(1) bowl of puppy chow.
(1) Unsuspecting family

This is how you play:

Feed puppy bowl of puppy chow.

Get call to rescue your grandmother, before flood waters engulf her and send her down flooded town, clinging to tree branches, yelling about how her ungrateful grandkids forgot about her.

Leave all doors and puppy gates open as not to restrict puppy from finding the perfect hiding spot for present(s).

First person to step in Puppy poop wins!

We played this game yesterday.

Hub won.

His prize was being able to cuss like a sailor at the puppy.

He wasn't aware he was playing.


I think the element of suprise was all worth it!

Hurry Build an Ark!

We are flooded!

9 inches of rain in 8 hours here!

The whole town is basically under water. Its crazy!

I just seen FEMA.
And the National Guard!

Luckily, my house is on high ground and I don't have to worry about the water.

So, I did what any responsible parent would do. I packed my kids in the car and went to take pictures of all the raging water and people's stuff floating off.

You see stuff like this on T.V. but when you are actually witnessing other people wading chest deep water you really understand the devastation on their lives.

I went and evacuated my Grandmother from her home, it was taking on water.

Pictures to come.

Stay tuned!

Thanks for the Lemons Life.

Being a good God fearing southern Baptist, I do not put any merit in to horoscopes.



But right there, on the front page of MSN, mine was gleaming at me brightly this morning and could not be ignored.



It truly said " today is a good day to shop for clothes."



These horoscope people know how to get a girls attention.



And it couldn't be a better day to shop, as Hub ( I figured out a better name for him this morning! Dic....), woke up in a "mood."




Funny, I thought it was my week to have PMS.



Since he is so grumpy this morning, I can think of nothing better to cheer him up then dropping a couple hundred at Target or Old Navy.



I know if I was being a beyotch for no good reason besides the fact I like making people as miserable as me, that I would feel better seeing Hub in new clothes.



I think I will take all the lemons life is throwing at me this morning and squirt them on Hub, that way he has a reason to be a sour puss.

Go AWAY Little Demon Kids!

I had a nice long rant, but decided to shorten it. If I piss off anymore neighbors, or people in this little redneck town, Hub (short for Hubby cause I am lazy and can't think of a good name for him.) will kick my arse.

Just know that these kids are the spawn of something either evil or stupid.


I love my kids.

I don't love the kids that come over to play with mine. Uninvited.

If they were my children I would sell them on Ebay, with a no return policy. Then I would ship them using a fake address from Germany so the little brats could not be dumped out in the middle of the night back at my house!

42 Things You Didn't Know You Wanted to Know!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Last night. I was reading this: http://theredneckmommy.com

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yep, it’s all swirly and girly.

4.WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes, two girls.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes! Cause I‘m the bomb!

7. DO YO USE SARCASM A LOT? Nah, not me…

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes. Why? Do you need a set?

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Sure, and I would sing “ I belive I can fly…”

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Cap’n Crunch

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope, I have them so
stretched out I don’t have to tie them to put them on either.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Stronger than what? A mouse? Yep. An elephant? Nope.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? I like any ice cream but strawberry. Or yucky Cherry.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their eyes.

15. RED OR PINK? Both!

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My skin. I have adult acne.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My cousin Luke. He’s in Iraq.

18. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue Jeans. Brown Skechers

19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Dr. Pepper

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Something on the cartoon network.

21. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Yellow. I don’t know why.

22. FAVOURITE SMELLS? Vanilla, My husband after he showers with Irish Spring soap

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Mom.

24. FAVOURITE SPORT TO WATCH? I don’t watch sports. Unless you count VH1’s Rock of Love.

25. HAIR COLOUR? Natural? I don’t remember. Currently? Brown

26. EYE COLOUR? Green.

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope. I enjoy being blind. I think I can see fine.

28. FAVORITE FOOD? Tacos

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy Endings

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Under the Tuscan Sun.

31. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Pink and Grey

32. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer. I can’t stand to be cold.

33. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses. Unless I don’t know you. Then don’t get in my space.

34. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Cake. Lots and lots of cake.

35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? One on how to write CCS and Xhtml

36.. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD? No mouse pad for me. Can’t stand them.

37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Rock of Love, George Lopez.

38. FAVOURITE SOUND? About any kind of music.

39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones.

40. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Either Texas or Alabama. Not far really.

41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? My husband thinks so… Oh and I can decorate a cake like no one’s business…

42. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Hicktown, Missouri

Un-domestic Mama is getting Trendy!

No, the Today Show hasn't contacted me (yet...) But I did contact Jen over at Trendy Mommy Designs about spiffing up this place.

The blinding white is killing me.

She's going help with the mojo thing.

So don't be surprised if you come over one day and I have become all trendy and cool.

Green with envy about my impending makeover? Want one of your own?

Go check out her site then! Geez, what are you waiting for?

www.thetrendymommyblogdesigns.blogspot.com

Why do your boobies point at the floor?

I feel blessed and lucky to have girls. I don't have to worry about getting dressed in front of them will mess them up and they will talk about me later in therapy because they are unable- to-find- any- woman-attractive-that- does- not- have -stretch- marks- covering- half- their- body- like- his- mom-did.

Besides, girl babies are a luxury in my husbands family. There are 16 grandchildren, and 4 girls total.

I own 2 of them.
Ne'ner ne'ner.

But there are times when all this is not so great. Hubby doesn't have to participate in any talks about the tampons, why all women hate men 5-7 days out of the month, or how the baby gets out.

He also doesn't have to explain Newton's Law of Gravity.

Thing2: "Mommy, how come you wear that?"

Me: "So mommy's boobs stay out from under her armpits."

Thing2: "They don't go under your armpits mommy."

Me: "They do when I take this Victorian torture device off, honey. "

Thing2, pointing: "The brown things look like eyeballs mommy."

Me: "They are nipples."

Thing2: "But they look like eyeballs." Still pointing. "One is looking at me and the other is looking at the floor. "

She thought this was so funny that she laughed until she rolled off the bed.

She got a kick out of it. I got a complex.

(WFMW) Scrambled Eggs in the Shower

I am always looking for ways to help my over-fried colored hair to not look over-fried. So a friend of mine shared this really cool hair mask recipe with me:

1 over ripe Avocado.
1 Tbs. Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Egg

Beat the crap out of it (or Magic Bullet it) until its a creamy consistency, slap on dry hair, walk around stinky for a couple of hours, rinse, shiny soft hair.

What she failed to tell me was that if you rinsed in anything but freezing-my-booty-off-cold water then the egg will cook in your hair.

Scrambled eggs anyone?

Good to know I can have pretty hair and breakfast...


Before you go check out the blog party and the chance to win a custom blog design

http://un-domesticmommy.blogspot.com/2008/03/party-details.html

Sorry Hubby.. I found a new love

I am looking for a laptop case for my new laptop (Dell Inspiron 1720.. LOVE IT too.)

http://www.ebags.com/gina_b/bella/product_detail/index.cfm?modelid=85156

And I found this bag.

Someday when I am rich, I am going to buy it.

For now, I guess I will pack my laptop in a plastic Target bag.

All Aboard the Zombie Express

I am exhausted. Eight years ago, when Thing 1 was born I hitched a ride on the Zombie Express.

Now, I don't know how to get off. I have my days. Days when I feel great, and days I feel like crap.

Today is a crap day.

I am starting to think there is something wrong with me. And I haven't even been watching Mystery Diagnosis on Discovery Health.

I try not to watch that anymore since the last time I thought I had all the symptoms that one guy on the show had. Turns out he had an extra female chromosome.

I don't think that's my problem.

Anyway, I seen an article in some magazine in the doctors office while waiting on my Mother a couple of weeks ago.

Evidently, you can test yourself for thyroid problems by drinking water and watching your neck when you swallow.

Huh.

I tried it. My results were inconclusive.

Always nice to be able to not have to pay for a medical test. I can just get the information from a magazine and test myself.

Since its obviously not my thyroid I can only conclude that further coffee consumption is needed.

Last call.... ALL ABOARD THE ZOMBIE EXPRESS!

Sharing the Love.. of my Washer!

Let me preface this with saying I ain't getting paid to endorse this.... unless Sears or Whirlpool would like to, then please, have your people call my people.

I wanted to (brag) let everyone know how freaking great the Whirlpool Cabrio washer and dryers are.

These things are HUGE!

The sales lady was not lying when she said that 16 pairs of jeans would fit in them (actually 20 will, but don't tell hubby that!)

Plus, they look awesome. Like little spaceships waiting to beam the stains off my clothes.

Best part- no agitater, so I could probably give my kids a quick whirl in them..

Beware the lizard tongue....

About a year ago, I adopted a six month old Yorkie. The sweetest little doggie. I know why they say that dog is man's best friend now. Thing 1 &2 decided to name him.

Boogers.

Yes, my lovable little doggie is named after dried nasal secretions.

Then about two months ago I decided that "Boogs" needed a friend.

What I now know is that I was obviously high on Mr. Clean when I decided this.

So now I have a beautiful female Yorkie named Quinn that we rescued.

She was obviously fed a steady diet of paint chips. I don't care what the vet says, she is not full Yorkie. The AKC has been tricked also. Quinn is part lizard and part rabbit.

Who was fed paint chips.

She bounces off things, and I don't mean in a cute way. She often goes off backward. Its like watching Tara Reid trying to appear normal. It's painful to watch, but also hilarious.

Quinn's tongue is like a lizards.

And your the fly.

She is tricky too.

Just when you think your safe, SLURP.

The lizard tongue has you.

Fashionably Late As Usual!

Whew! I never can arrive on time. I was lucky to detach Thing 1 & 2 and get out the door.

Like my dress? Thanks so much!

Wish I had time to talk but I'm going to the Ultimate Blog party!

WFMW - Free Photo Editing Software!

What to be able to make banners and templates or just edit your photos? Don't wanna spend $100 or more to do it?

Well, then hop on over to Paint.net and download your free copy.

I made my banner with it.

Quit laughing.

Anyway, free is the best price and they have a huge forum to teach you tricks with.

We're not a normal family?

I was in the kitchen last night, making dinner when Thing 1 (8 yr old DD) came inside from playing with her friends. That's when I found out we are not a normal family.

Thing 1: "What are you doing mom?"

Me: "Fixing dinner."

Thing 1: " Oh. You know mom, normal families already have dinner done when everyone gets home at night."

Me: Raise eyebrow and shoot the " I-will-take-all-your-Hannah- Montana -crap- if -your- insulting- me look.

Thing 1: "Uhhh, but its okay mom, we don't have to be normal. Can you make sure my brown stuff don't touch my green stuff?

Spatula Snatchers!

Evil, vial elves live somewhere in my kitchen. I have come to the conclusion that everyone has elves in their kitchen too. Except mine are the evil variety. My elves have parties at night so I wake up to a dirty kitchen.
The nice elves live in other people's homes. The women that always look like they woke up beautiful, with organized designer handbags, clean cars, and perfect children. They have nice, cleaning elves.
Of course there are cleaning elves! How else to do you think all the women that seem to have their whole life together get it that way? Surely they don't do all that themselves instead of sitting on the web all day.
Anyway, now I know for sure these little elves exist. While attempting to cook dinner without having to invite the local firefighters over for said dinner, I noticed that all my spatulas and most of my other cooking utensils are gone. Yep, nowhere to be found.
The elves are very good at hiding things.