How to Make Any Man Happy.

( yes, I know I am supposed to be studying or something but I have to post this)

I have a "friend" who calls me often for the sole purpose of bitching about her ungrateful husband. He doesn't help her enough with anything. Not the kids, the house, what she wants to do. Her house isn't good enough, even though they just bought a new one and its ten times bigger than mine, with new furniture etc. etc.
All he does is gripe when she goes shopping etc. etc. etc...

Ladies, I am going to let you in on a secret.

Men are easy. Really easy creatures that are easy to please. They know it (so no hate mail from the men - you know the truth, you just don't like me sharing it) and it is time you knew it too.

If you want a man who will never stray, put you on pedestal, give you everything you want (within reason , but if not he would bust his ass and break his neck trying)and be the most loving and attentive man on earth, you have to learn what makes a man's world go round.

There is only three things a husband wants from his wife. All men want these three things. And you can give them to him. No matter what size, shape, etc etc you are. Men only want THREE things.

I was lucky enough to learn this at an early age.

As for my friend, she knows the secret but does not use it. Why? I dunno. She is dumb. Because any wife can do it, it doesn't involve sex and it works.

Okay here it is. Old fashioned? Maybe. But it works. So stop being stupid and use it!

Men want:

1. To be needed. Make him feel needed and like you could not go on breathing without his very presence. You have to make him feel like he is the most important thing in the world and nothing as good as him as been made since he entered the world.

2. To be taken care of. I said taken care of not mothered! There is a difference. Fold his shirts the way he likes, don't bitch at him for leaving it on the floor. Cook his favorite meal once in a while. Act like you care if he is happy ( which comes across much better if you actually do care.) If when he does something stupid, don't berate him. Talk to him like you would another adult you have a problem with and then let it go. Support his decisions and let him make his own mistakes ( like when he brings home a go-cart with asking you what you think and you KNOW he is going to break his leg or something ) Smile and tell him if that makes him happy... whatever. Then when he breaks his leg, bite your tongue and bring him a class a water to take his pain pills with.

And this goes for his house and kids too. Really important if your a SAHM. I know how hard it is to be one. I am one. This doesn't mean you can run around in your PJ's and "are much too busy with these kids clean". Don't BS me. This was my excuse for years. Give your kids a rag and squirt bottle of water. They can help. Most actually ENJOY it.

He is not expecting Martha Stewart clean. He just wants to be able to walk through the rooms and not catch a disease or stick to something.

3. Attention. This really wraps up the other two. Get off your ass and clean the house. I am not saying he gets to be a slob and leave his dishes all over the place and expect you to take care of them. Your not a slave or a maid. I mean, mop the floor and do the laundry. Expect him to clean up after himself like any other adult but don't ride his ass about how he never cleans the windows or vacuums the floor if you not doing it either.

Rub his back and tell him how great he is. Give him sex and don't make him beg. He isn't a dog, he's your husband. Get something nice to wear to bed and take care of yourself. No one wants to snuggle up to someone with hairy legs and ugly underwear or flannel pants. Jogging pants are a no no too!

My Granny used to say " If you want to keep a man interested, you have to keep him on his toes."

What that means is, take care of yourself. When you feel good, your automatically more desirable to everyone. Your man is going to pay attention to you if you seem more desirable to others. You don't have to flirt or cheat (this is really a deal breaker on the 3 secrets. They won't work at all if you do this) or really anything but take care of yourself physically and mentally. Other people like happy people.

And do not write me about your husband never pays you any attention, so why should you. He will be paying a LOT more attention if you just try this for a week or two.

Things are getting spotty...

I think May could be the busiest month me for me out of all the months of the year. Our family literally has 12 birthdays and 4 anniversaries. And they ain't through having kids or getting hitched yet...

Plus its Mothers Day (not that its a huge deal in my house *pout*), Memorial Day, the kids are out of school, science fair, Finals week for me, etc. etc. etc. Now Hubs work is demanding over time for May. Lots of it. So I am single again for the month of May. Both my girls b-days are in May too. Geez you would think we could keep our legs together in August...

Anyway. Postings are going to get spotty for the next few weeks. To my one fan. PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME! I will be back eventually. I will miss you all. I want to be here. Really. I PREFER to be here.

Sigh. I am supposed to take summer classes too. I don't wanna. Wish me luck or lottery winnings or something.

And WE HAVE A WINNER!

After counting and recounting to make sure I got everyone. I made ask my 8 year old to help me with numbering each post (and the post were people got a second entry) and then I had her draw a number!

Crazy Daisy is the Winner!! Hopefully she can find some great clothes for her upcoming Graduation!

Just email me with your address Crazy Daisy and I will get your card to you!

Un-Domesticmama@hotmail.com

Tag! I'm it!

SCATTERGORIES...It's harder than it looks! Erase my answers, enter yours, send it on to 10 people including the one that sent this to you.

Use the first letter of your first name to answer each of the following.
They have to be real places, names, things..nothing made up!

Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.




WHAT IS YOUR Name
Jennifer

4 LETTER WORD
Junk (That is in my trunk)

VEHICLE
Jaguar ( Yeah, baby Yeah!)

TV SHOW
Justice League ( its a cartoon ya know..)

CITY
Joplin, Missouri (that's all I could think of.)

BOY NAME
Jacob -too easy

GIRL NAME
Jessica ( my alter ego)

OCCUPATION
Judo Master ( Sounded more fun that Janitor)

SOMETHING YOU WEAR
Jeans!

FOOD
Juicy Fruit ( gum is too food, ask all the anorexic celebs.)

SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM
Janitor ( except in mine)

REASON FOR BEING LATE
Jogging ( as in I am in late because jogging is something I don't do!)

SOMETHING YOU SHOUT
Just quit calling me you %$%*&(&* ( as told to telemarketer the third time I talked to him yesterday)

I am going to tag someone ... but I am going to dig through the bloggy giveaway post and pick some newbies. So you have to wait.

Is this withdrawl or am I crazy?

I am actually doing quite well without the Dr.Pepper. Okay, so I am weak. I had 12oz today. But that is better than the 2 liters I would have normally consumed. Don't judge me. You couldn't break this early.

We had a nature thing for Girl Scouts, so the girls can earn their nature badge thing. (Yeah, I am real attentive at these things) So I am walking around with a group of 18 girls and their mothers ( who all happen to look like those amazing moms that have their whole life together in a neat little package, and they get to shower every day.) So of course I am feeling like queen of the group with my spilled tea on shirt, headache from hell, and hair all tangled up in knotty/bun thingy on top of my head. I do make a pretty picture.

I am not an outdoors kinda girl. I don't like "critters" of any kind. If they sting and buzz around, I am gone. I don't like spiders, snakes, or even ladybugs. I can handle most butterflies as long as they don't land on me and are pretty. I was in my element. We are all walking around looking for nature things with my head about to explode and I start feeling like things are crawling on me.

These nasty little prickles of withdrawl are climbing up my arms and legs. Its been a long time since I had experienced caffiene withdrawl, but if I am having headaches and prickles the first day, then the next 20 are going to be fabulous!

I felt like I was going nuts. I can't imagine having real withdrawls like from crack or something. I am such a wimp. Or possibly crazy.

Then I realize that I am not a wimp or crazy. There are these weird little bugs falling out of the tree I am standing under CRAWLING ON ME!

Game over. I am out. I went inside and debugged myself and then sit on the nice pretty deck and observed in the saftey nice warm sunshine.